Life as it happens

I am upgrading all the databases on all our websites and just did this one so I thought I would say hey and see what was new.

CLICK HERE TO SEE SOME PHOTOS

Actually, they don’t say “brain tumor” , they call it a pituitary tumor….that is in my brain! LOL Whatever. I hate it!

Almost 10 yrs ago, I had symptoms that I went to the doctor with, lactation, and the doctor dismissed it. Said it would go away and not to worry with it. I forgot about it until a few months ago. I am 64 yrs old and I was lactating again, I have had a headache and sore eyeballs for a year, but until I had (what I call, an emotional meltdown) did I get any response from the doctor. I started crying when I got a new puppy and couldn’t stop. I cried for 2 days and went to the doctor and he put me on more anti depressants and told me I was too fat and gave me some excercises that I should do. I cried for another day and knew something was wrong with me. I called the doctor and asked if he shoudn’t do some blood work that something was wrong with me. He said he probably should and to go to the hospital for tests. When he got them back in a couple of days, he said there WAS something wrong and that I needed a CT scan. I had that and he said I had a tumor on my pituitary gland. He called a friend of his and they put me on medication that would shrink the tumor. I stopped lactating for a while and I thought I was home free. I started my job at school and then reallized my symptoms were still there……profuse sweating! On the second day of school, when I looked like I had been in the shower, I knew I had to quit my job.

I changed doctors….not because I think the other is any better….I am just mad at the firs one. She sent me to a nueroligist and he said the tumor needed to come out and scheduled surgery. That was 3 weeks ago and it is coming closer and I am terrified! My son is going to be here and that is the only thing that will get me to the hospital! Otherwise, I would be on my way into the sunset, in the desert, over the hill, out of here!! I have had a lot of surgery in my life and I dread this one the most. I think because I am older and not is good shape. I have so many people praying for me and wishing me good luck, but I just want it to go away. I don’t want to do it. Get the picture?! LOL The doctor said I would feel better when it was done….and all I can think of is….how will I feel better when you are going to drill into my head! Shit! Fuck!

And I don’t mean that sarcasitcally. You really are right, and in my opinion, you usually are! I love your free thinking and the fact that you are right, no one has the right to critisize what you do in your own time. Or tell you what you can or can not enjoy.I think I would just like to have one of your boxes……plain! LOL I think you are so good with wood, and it comes naturally because you only had one year of wood in HS.

One of the things I admire (and always have) about you, my son, is that you have always believed that people have the right to their own opinion, and you have the right to yours. People always have the right to their own choices, and you expect to have the same rights as you believe they should have. Admirable! I’ve always liked that about you! Like you telling me, it is my choice to not like something that you do, but your choice and right to do what you like. I love that.

I love you so much for calmly reminding me of all that and not just telling me it is none of my business! You are not only grown up…..you have grown up to be such an incredible man, that I am amazed that someone like me can be so lucky to have you as my son.

Yes, I am scared….truthfully, I’m terrified! Some days are worse than others. Days that I hear from you are better than the others! I got some things for you and Paula today at the Art in the Park. I’ll get them sent Monday. YOU SEND ME THE SHOES!!!! LOL

I made such good friends at school, and I can’t wait to go back. One of my favorite teachers sent me flowers yesterday because she was thinking about me.

I love you, and God loves you! LOL I just had to put that because I don’t want you to get to believing anything else! Someone with your soul and heart could only be that way because of God. Someday, you will know that if you don’t already. It took me a long time to really have faith, and you are a lot like me, so it may take you a long time. If I didn’t believe in god, I would not even consider having this surgery. And that is the truth. I KNOW that he has a plan for me, and however the surgery comes out, it is what is suppossed to be. I KNOW that God saved you for a reason or you would not have survived the years in Ar. Jeeze, I didn’t mean to preach! LOL

YOU ARE A WONDERFUL MAN JEFFREY LEE, and I’m proud to be your mother!

I think the boxes are wonderful, well crafted and could be very useful…….IF, they didn’t have all the CRAP on them! I would love to have one for blankets or etc. , but the rock signs are not something I would want in my house. Not because I don’t think it is great that you still enjoy the music, but because I think you are older and the signs are lilke what you did in H/S. Leave off the skulls, pentagram and all the BMF stuff, and a lot of people would love them. They sell things like that at Arts and Crafts Day here in Marion. And that style of furniture is in now. You used to paint all over things when you were young, but you’ve grown up. Maybe even small writing and pictures would be OK, but not painted all over the boxes…..ruins them, in my opinion. I LOVE THE BOXES AND WOULD LIKE ONE AS A COFFEE TABLE! I’ll bet Paula would too. What would REALLY be nice, is a cedar chest!!! Line a oak box with cedar, and ship it to me!!!!!! Or a jewlery box, I need one! I would buy one, but they are so expensive. The ones you make would be wonderful!!! I love you!

It is amazing to me that you make the boxes and don’t even have a pattern. Very talented. Stop ruining them! They are beautiful!

I’m feeling very scared and cranky about having surgery. Write something else on this blog, I love reading your stuff. I read your Music Filter sometimes, but don’t like the language or material. But again, that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate the talent that you have for writing. Just don’t like the content. But I sure do love you!

How things change with a little time! I worked two days and had to quit the job that I love. I finished the first day and looked like I had been swimming, and the second day was worse, and I got the headache and sore eyes along with it. I told my supervisor that I was going to go home and change clothes and dry my hair (on my lunch hour) and be back. All the teachers felt sorry for me and were worried, and the kids just looked at me funny….like kids would do. But when I got to my car, I disolved in a heap of tears. And couldn’t stop! Those are my biggest smptoms with the tumor in my head…..or the ones that I hate most of all!

I called my supervisor and told her I wasn’t going to be able to come back, and she was so kind and understanding. I realized I wasn’t going to be able to work until they “whomever they are”, did something about my sweating. So I called the doctor and told her what had happened to me and that I was going to have to resign after only 2 days. She was sorry it had happened to me because she and everyone knew how much I loved my job.

I sent letters to the head of Special Ed, my supervisor and the principal of the Elementary school. I told them how sorry I was and how bad I felt that I had to resign so early and leave them in a bad situation. Instead of just understanding, they all told me how much they would miss me and hoped I would be back. I got the nicest letter from my principal, that I just sat and cried when I read it. Never in my life have I felt such friendship and love from friends. They really like me for me….sounds like the movie with Sally Field, but it really is how I feel. The teachers have called me, sent me cards and when they see me they give me a hug and say how they miss me. Wow!

I am going to go back as soon as I can! I hope with all my heart that it is meant to be that I go back. I want some more of that acceptance and friendship!

I’m scared to death of the surgery, but I’m thankful that my son will be with me. This is the first time I’ve gone through anything like this without David….and I miss him. I wish he were here with me…..

Tonight the head of Special Ed called me and told me that we were going to have a new para at school. I already had my signed contract so I wasn’t worried! LOL Anyway, she said that one of the teachers new husband had applied for a para job and the principal had told her that he really wanted to hire this kid. He was a youth minister in the past and was a college graduate. But he said the only opening was in the second grade and he thought he would be best suited in the upper grades. So he moved one of our paras (we have 3 in the 5th and 6th grades) to the second grade and put him with us. He sounds awesome and for sure a great asset to the school.

I was telling Seth and Falon about him and how great I knew he would be, but I was feeling a little insecure about how I could possibly contribute anything with him on our team. He is young, educated and great with youth. Seth said to me,”Who would give the kids pencils, Aunt Vicki, without you!” And who would love them like you do? This is my 13 yr. nephew. What a heart! I told him, you make me feel better, Seth, thank you! He said, “the kids love you!”

So while I am still a little insecure about it, I guess they did hire me back, and I will do my best. I have been a little anxious about myself this week and I will be glad when Friday is here. The thing about having tests done is the waiting after. I know I am fine, but I love my job so much, I worry all the time about something keeping me from doing it. Too bad I didn’t discover it sooner when I was younger…..maybe I wouldn’t have liked it so much then though.

Anyway, I thought what Seth said to me was the sweetest thing I have ever heard. He is like that though. He saw me packing my notebook with pencils, erasers, paper and this and that, and knew that I kept stuff for the kids. I truly think that some of the kids think I am where pencils come from! LOL I look forward to meeting the new kids and hope the best for the kids from last year. I was reading some of the notes and letters some of them gave me last year and it made me smile. They gave me so much more than I could have given them, and I just loved them.

I found something new to give the kids this year , lilttle disposable toothbrushes! I think they will love them and I think they will all have shiny teeth! I hope somone is kind to my kids from last year.

Tomorrow is my son’s birthday…..HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETIE!! Man, it doesn’t seem like it was 41 years ago! I’ve been through all the mother stories about when you were born, so I’ll skip that this year and try to think of something else! Well…….I can’t think of anything else!

I was going to tell about how I had planned and hoped for a baby….but that isn’t quite true! You were kind of a surprise for me. And I was going to say that bringing you home was so much fun. Not quite true……I knew nothing about babies!

And I made so many mistakes raisiing you, you were so much like me…..a problem at times! And I didn’t know quite what to do with you at times! LOL But you changed my life, for the better, and I now knew love like I had never known in my life. You (literally) were the reason I got up every morning, you were a gift from God that told me my life meant something and that I had done something right in my life!

Holy cow, I don’t mean to be so dramatic! But, I am the kind of person I am today, because I loved and do love you with my whole being! I just can’t quite get it right…..how do I say it……I love you to the moon and back! I think that does it! LOL

Happy birthday my son, Love, MOM